$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
