you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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