Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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