who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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