DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
