New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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