Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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