good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize