He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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