I want to stick my p in your. b.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
