At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
