2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
there is glitter all over my balls
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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