Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
