sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
