there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
