I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i now understand why vodka
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
