I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
