Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
