I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
