i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
