On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
