just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
