I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
