its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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