It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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