'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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