i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wish my penis had a tongue
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
