That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
