I wanna bring you to show and tell
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
