i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
