Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
