Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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