i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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