Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
