you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
