im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just puked most of my soul out..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize