He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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