Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
