Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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