she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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