Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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