Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
