Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
