I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
