How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They are going to name an STD after you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
