she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
