i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
