you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize