so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
