Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
