He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
