and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
