I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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