Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
