Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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