Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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