do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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