Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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