he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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