Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
