did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
