A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
